We all can relate that at some point in our relationship that love and romance do not come easy. We have spent our whole lives watching Hollywood created love stories that have skewed our view of what love truly looks like! The reality? It can be hard and something we continually have to work for in our relationship.
As Christians, we are given direction from God on how to strengthen that relationship. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. External culture has found a way to distort these teachings by stating submission is giving unlimited power and authority.
Instead, it should be viewed that a husband is the leader of his family and a wife should acknowledge his leadership and respect his guidance. A husband should serve his wife and not take advantage of his role. When a husband is the true leader of his family, it does not mean he gets to rule over his wife. It means he shows ultimate love by figuring out what makes her unique, supporting her interests and developing her talents! A husbands job is to give himself up and let his wife shine in all her glory! When these 2 things happen, your relationship will begin to thrive!
The disconnect between male and female hormones
If you have been married for 1 year or 50, you have likely come to realize that men and women are not created equal in libido. Without getting too scientific on you, our hormones are very, very different and this has a huge impact on sex drive and desire. I frequently tell my patients, “Sex is 80% physical and 20% mental for most men, and those numbers are reversed in women.” Obviously, this is not the case in every relationship, but I like to call those women unicorns! So we now have to find the common ground to a healthy sex life between a couple.
Learn how your partner feels love
I encourage all couples to take the love language test. This allows couples to recognize how they can serve and love one another in a way that works! When women feel loved outside of the bedroom it makes romance in the bedroom easier. Women will begin to feel comfortable in their skin and in their relationship when they feel love from their partner in all aspects of life. Comfort is a huge battle for many patients with sexual disconnect.
The switch vs dimmer switch
I frequently describe men as a light switch and women as a dimmer switch. Women need a warm-up. They need to have time to get their brain off of the stressors of work, kids, and all life’s responsibilities. So remember, there may need to be some preparation and “warming up”. It’s also important to recognize that husbands cannot read minds! You have to talk to him and explain how you can feel more ready. Because let’s face it, most men are that light switch and they don’t necessarily understand how you are not! Again, when you feel loved, it is easier to openly talk about your needs.
Make time for sex
As a women’s health Nurse Pracititioner, I frequently hear the statement “I just don’t have the time, or energy!” and my response: “You have to make time!” Recognize that just like any aspect of your relationship your partner deserves your time and attention. Start with a plan early in the day. Having a plan is also the first step to getting that dimmer switch moving in the right direction. There is nothing wrong with penciling romance into your planner! Sacrifice the sink full of dishes or the late-night work that can get done tomorrow. Again, the Hollywood story of the impulsive hot and heavy sex on the regular is not reality.
Sex is not the only important aspect for a successful marriage, but it is one that cannot be ignored! We must bring love back into our love life and continue to grow and strengthen our relationships! For more articles related to women’s health and wellness, check out my tab on Helping Women!
Thank you for the reminder!!